Just breathe!!!! That's what I'm doing now.  and waiting.  My acupuncturist's, Denise, told me there would be lots of waiting and I'd have to get used to it.  I knew that the last time, but nothing ever felt right the last time, so its different this time.  I feel good.  It feels right.


So first Beta on 12dpo was 35.9, second beta on 15dpo ........   484!!!!!!! Now I'm just waiting for the 1st ultrasound.  Only 4 days until that, but I keep POAS everyday, just to make sure the line is still there and still just as dark if not darker.

wow

Great story to share!   A good friend of mine has been ttc for almost 2 years.  She hasn't spoken to her doctor yet and has been sort of temping and sort of using opks, nothing regular.   Last month, right before my IUI, I was hanging out with her and her husband and she asked what should she start with and I recommended at the start of her next cycle that she go for her CD3 bloodwork just to get things started with the dr.  Her husband mentioned that he keeps meaning to get his stuff checked since people have told him it could be him and easily fixed, I said yup, that's great go get your numbers checked.  And I tried to get her to sign up here, but I'm not sure that happened.  Back to the [b]Great[/b] part of the story.  Yesterday I called to check in and chat, wasn't ready to tell her about me, but wanted to find a time we could get together so I could tell her.  Asked how she was, if she had her CD3 stuff done.  She said no last cycle was 22 days and this one is 33, so she's just waiting for AF as it should be here any day.  About 3 hours later I got a picture message from her.  [b]BFP[/b]

Then I did the math, I'm on CD33 too.  We have the same due date!!!! I called her immediately and just said "ME TOO!!!"

7 months ago when I started this adventure, I told her that if was going to get pregnant, so were they and that we would do it together.  HA, I said it but I didn't think it would happen like this.

Here's hoping we all have sticky beans!!!!

Here we are again.

So its been awhile.  Surgery to remove the fibroid went very well.  It was much bigger than Dr. G thought it would be, but everything went perfectly.  As I found myself saying after the surgery, I had something taking up real estate that potential baby needed and now its all cleared out.  Woohoo!!

So 4th IUI or 1st since we resolved issues just happened this past monday, which makes me 5DPO.  Took Clomid days 5-9 for my progesterone issue.  So worked with getting my ovaries on target.  Funny thing, I thought without a Trigger, only one egg would ovulate, no matter what the clomid created.  Turns out, I was wrong!  Went for my day 15 u/s, and the first thing my RE said was "In all my years doing this I've only seen triplets twice on Clomid"  WHAT!!!!!  Of course to balance that out, my donor only had 5.5 milllion sperm, versus 14 million, back in April (when I got preg).  Hoping the 1/3 swimmers balances out the 3X eggs.  :)

Little symptoms that are probably not symptoms at all. No desire to eat chocolate, actually an anti-chocolate wave when I even think about a snack. So NOT like me. Love chocolate!!! But when I got preg back in April, I had the same anti-chocolate feelings. Then this morning crazy nauseas, drinking my morning sickness tea just cause it works, not because I am even starting to think this could be it. ITS WAY TOOOOO EARLY!!!!!

The nurse told me to test on day 16, ha ha ha.  If AF doesn't show up by day 12, then chances are she isn't.  And if anyone thinks I can wait past day9 to start testing, you be crazy.  I'm hoping to at least hold out until day 8.

I'll try to update again later this weekend.

Quarantine

So sperm donors donate and then their donations go into quarantine.  Not sure why or for how long, but that's how it works.  So last month thinking I was a go for the cycle, I purchased one vial a few days before ovulation.  Then the fibroid became an issue and that cycle was halted.  So, what do I do with the vial.  Part of the below mentioned Clomid effects showed up here.  I would have to store the vial, what would that cost!?!?  Turns out, not too bad considering what this whole process has been costing me.  $140 for 3 months.  Perfect.  Then I noticed that my donor was running low on stock.  So glad I jumped the gun and purchased the one vial.  I was told a new batch was being released from quarantine at the end of the month (May) or very early June.  Now I was just told that its not till end of July.  AGAIN thank goodness I jumped the gun.  At least I have the one vial, and he still has 8 left, but I don't want to buy more than I need just yet.  But if he drops down to less than 4 before my next cycle than I will have to splurge.

so much for the 2WW...how about the 2MW

what is the 2MW you ask.  Two Month Wait!  Yes after moving full speed ahead for 5 months, I had to screech to a halt these last two months.  So the M/C happened and with that came the HSG scan, which as expected showed that my tubes were open...woohoo, but that the fibroid we noticed in the earlier Ultrasounds could indeed be a problem with implantation and keeping a pregnancy.   Boo.  Hiss.

So...after taking 5 days of Clomid, days 5-9, then finding out the Fibroid had to be removed was not the greatest news.  The Clomid effects weren't horrible, until I got bad news, then I couldn't control the tears.  Every time I thought about the delay the tears would come.  I could not stop them, it was crazy, I would feel fine and the tears would just pour.  Anyway, my RE sent me back to my OB/GYN who is a fantastic surgeon and specializes in this kind of stuff and he was able to schedule my procedure, Myosure, 3 weeks later.  Yesterday to be exact.   Outpatient surgery, 2.5 hours at center and then my dad picked me up and brought me back to my parent's place.  Easy recovery, nothing too bad.  I was warned about cramps, but didn't feel much until this morning, because I was moving around so much more.  But overall, a really easy surgery and experience.  There were 2 fibroids not just one.   BUT the best news of all is that I got to TTC again next month.  No delay other than the cycle I'm in to recover.  So July is the restart to the process.

There's a reason this blog isn't public yet

Because you just never know.  It turns out attempt #3 didn't work.  Well it did, I GOT PREGNANT!!!! Which is huge, since now we know I can.  We being me, my doctors, my acupuncturist, etc.  But it wasn't  the right egg or the right month or the right anything, so we move on.  Wish it was as easy as it sounds, but I'm trying to push through.  And so far I am.  Next step is an HSG (xray to check my fibroid) and then possibly Clomid and the next IUI.  No clue when that will be as pregnancy tends to screw up the timing and all.   So for my very time accurate body, this will be a switch.

Back to wait and see, not that wait and see ever actually went away :)

Tired....

Yup, very tired today.  It doesn't help that I've been at work since 10 with nothing to do.  One of those days, waiting for one of my bosses to come work with me, but she hasn't made it into my room my yet.  Seriously want to go home and sleep :)  or just eat and eat and eat.  Which is weird since I had my first true true bout of MS this morning.  Up till now its just been nausea, but a wee bit more than that today.

Having my first cup of caffeinated tea since I found out, just too tired to not do it.  I know its lite on the caffeine since I checked it out when i was TTC so hopefully not too bad for me and the little one.

First U/S tomorrow.  I feel really good about things, but of course, trying to keep a realistic view going into it.  Grandma, Grandpa and Aunt Geri are all coming to the appointment.  Love that its been a family affair right from the start and looking forward to that continuing.

Oh, and I found a great baby book.  I haven't bought it yet of course, but all the pages are available to download, with a big "SAMPLE" written across them, but who cares, I can start writing little things down, and its great, you can add or take away pages, so I'm able to add "Single Mom" pages and remove all the ones that say "when WE decided to have you" or "What WE decided to name you"  or "How WE met"  And replace them all with mommy pages.  Its perfect and I can't wait till till I'm past the 1st Trimester and can buy it!!!!

That's it for now, about to fall asleep over my keyboard.

AHHHHH!!!!  4wks and 3days.  Yup.  IUI #3 worked.  So far at least.  Trying not to get too excited, since its so so early, but here we are.

A bit of a crazy week.  Started off saturday thinking AF arrived, only to see my temp spike on sunday and realize what a sec, that shouldn't happen at this point unless...

and yup there it was, a very very very faint 2nd line.  First beta test on monday 28.5, progesterone was still too low, so I found myself having to do intramuscular injections.  I'll my sister fill you in on the first!!!

Friday I had my second beta test and now I was at 106!!!!   So today was the next one and we were hoping for at least double, but I'm up to 288.  Woohoo!!!!

So on to the first ultrasound next monday.  Will try to come back at least once a week from here on out.

Day before is always hectic

So I disappeared from the blog for a bit.  Turns out this process is not so easy on the psyche.  Last I wrote I was feeling all these wacky symptoms.  They are just that...wacky symptoms...all in your head.

So the update...For attempt #2 my mom came with me to the doctor.  AND for attempt #3 my dad came.  I'm currently on day 4  of my 2WW on the 3rd attempt.  When last months didn't work out I called my Dr. and asked what we can do to help next attempt, his answer was wonderful.  "Let's just get you pregnant, I'm referring you to a fertility specialist" :)

So this past wednesday, my wonderful new doctor squeezed me in for my consult and my IUI all in one appointment.  It was perfect.  When I called to day I had my surge they squeezed me in.  Amazing!!!

As everyone from a random friend to my acupuncturist said, I really am extremely fertile, even at 39.  phew!!! so good to hear again and again though.  My dad and I learned so much from the Dr, it was such a great consult and hopefully a successful IUI.  One little issue turned up, but we have FX'd that this one worked so the issue won't really be an issue!

As to what the title of this post means...  Since I started down this road I have had 3 day before IUI days.  None have been smooth sailing, although this last one was much less crazed then the first two.  The first one came very fast and due to my inexperience, much earlier than I expected.  On the friday before, I found out my FSH levels were great and we should go for first attempt.  So that weekend, we picked the donor (I think I wrote about that in an earlier post) Monday came with my first ever +OPK and President's day, so no doctor in the office to talk to.  Called the sperm back and found out that i needed a signed piece of paper from my doctor in order to schedule a pick up my donor.  WHAT?  I lost it.  Thought there's goes my first month.  I'd left a few messages with my dr. already that morning and hadn't heard back, and it wasn't really an emergency, in terms of emergencies, but of course it was an emergency to me.  Thankfully about 15 minutes after my mini meltdown, he called.  Order was restored.  I got him the paperwork, he sent it to the cryobank and I ordered and scheduled my P/U.

Day before #2 - wake up friday morning and POAS.  No smiley face.  about 2 hours later I POAS again. Side note, I found out that LH surges can come at anytime during the day, so I have made it my goal to catch it as close to when it happens as possible.  Therefore when I'm at about CD6 I start testing 2X or 3X a day.  For those of you who have gone through TTC, you know that ovulation kits are not cheap.  I do order them from amazon and I'm on the subscribe and save plan so I save a few more cents, but still a lot of money on top of all the other expenses.  But back to #2.  I  call my doctors office to schedule a saturday IUI and they tell me, he's out till tuesday, that he's at the doctors for something and they don't know what to tell me.  Of course I lose it, albeit quietly but still start freaking out inside.  I don't want to miss this cycle.  I want to take advantage of ever cycle!   They said that they would call me back once they spoke to him but that he was not available at the moment.  I start calling random fertility clinics seeing if they'll meet me, and do the IUI for me on my first visit.  That doesn't go so well!   I'm still totally freaking out even though I know my doctor will come through and of course he does.  next day me and my mom are in his office with just him, with attempt #2.

#3 - Not as insane but a little bit.  WORK!  I love my job, love what I do for a living. Love love love it.   But at the moment I am not sharing my quest with anyone there.  So all of sudden a deadline moves ahead a day which of course is right when I need to be at the dr's for #3.  But I handled it, only a little tense for about an hour, but nothing like the first two months.  But still not smooth sailing.  If this month isn't it, I would really like a smooth easy prep day with me just making phone calls setting up p/u and then appointments and thats it!

But hopefully I won't need any more prep days!  Hopefully this is it!

Symptoms, symptoms, symptoms

Is it all in my head?  likely.  What are the odds, that my first attempt would be a success?  6-14% is the rate of ICI success, so I guess somewhere in the there is the high odds, as its the first attempt.  But... nauseous Monday and yesterday.  Yesterday was horrible.  Anti-cravings, I haven't wanted a soda since friday, and I usually can't live without at least one a day, especially when I'm working.  I'm sleeping better than I ever have in my life (although maybe that's the pre-natal vitamins).  Not even craving sugar, which is a regular as well.  But I am hungry, but not sure for what.  Only 9DPO so today is maybe not too early to check, maybe.  Odds are still low that I'd get a BFP even if I am Pregnant.  So we shall wait and see.

I sneezed this morning...

I know, I know. Relax...chill...take a deep breath.  See I have this thing, sometimes when I sneeze, especially when I'm still in bed, I feel it in my lower abdomen.  Weird right, sometimes I think maybe I overdid it working out, or maybe I was trying to hold the sneeze in.  Who knows, but this morning when it happened I felt it right there...you know down by my ovaries and stuff.  Crazy I know, but of course I worried, and now I'm over it.  Crazy the things you think about!

2WW

A week ago if you asked me what the hardest decision was in this big plan, I would say and still believe its picking the donor.

This week if you asked me the hardest part of the experience, right now...its the 2WW.  And the reality is that it may be the first of many 2WWs.  Don't get me wrong I totally believe I'm almost pregnant right now.  Almost, because according to all the articles I read, I'm only 3 days into the 7 to 10 days of waiting for implantation.  I know I know TMI...but seriously 2WW sucks!!!!!

Donor #?????

2/19/12

So after 2 crazy days (around 6 hours each day) with my parents and my sister, my donor has finally been selected.  We started yesterday setting up wireless keyboard and mouse to the big tv in the living room.  Much easier to read the profiles and see the childhood pictures!  It was fun and crazy and exhilarating and exhausting.

We've narrowed it down to two, but it seems one of them may not have available vials for me have when I need them, which is next weekend!

It's happening so fast(which i'm very happy about)  I officially started this process as we entered into
2012, but I've been talking about it being a possibility of taking this path for the last 5 years.


2/21/12

So today was the big day.  1st attempt at ICI.  I ended up with our 1st choice donor for many reasons, the first being we all had an immediate reaction to seeing his pictures and reading his info.  The second being his jewish ancestry.  I had a wonderful conversation with a geneticist (thank you Jennifer) who helped me understand why choosing #1 over # 2 was very important.   Turns out since I'm jewish it is very important to choose a donor who has been tested for the genetic disorders associated with jewish ancestry.  Donors who are not jewish or don't know they may have jewish blood are not automatically tested.  So that was that...ICI instead of IUI for this first go round, since that was all that was available this month from my donor.

Surprisingly, I slept great last night.  Woke up refreshed, had breakfast and awaited the arrival of my sister to drive me to pick up the tank and head to the doctor's office.  As I walked around the corner to the back of my building where my sister was waiting for me and all of sudden the nerves hit me.  She said she could see it on my face as it hit me!

Easy pick up and then the waiting at the doctors office.  Check out Auntie Geri's entry to see how that all went.

And now we wait!!!! and wait!!!!

Sisters embarking on a journey...

After searching and searching we (mom, dad, debra and I) finally selected the lucky donor.   Donor # XX8X5 This morning at 8am I picked Debra up and we drove to the sperm bank to make our withdrawal.  With heavy tank in hand we drove to Dr Ghozland's office.  We sat for what seemed like forever.  A little confusion on the nurses part - they didn't realize they need to defrost it first.  So, about 40 minutes later the Dr is ready for Debra.  All ready for the doctor he says "Let's make another president" and away we go.  Poor Deb looked a little uncomfortable during the process and I wished there was something I could do to help.  Finally, Dr. Ghozland is done and says - don't you want a cigarette now!  lol.

We waited 15 mins - for the little suckers to swim - but it felt like 40 mins.  I play some Duncan Sheik and just to get some country in there we had some Zac Brown Band serenading the little guys as they swim upstream.

We've all got our fingers and toes crossed and now we wait.  Test will be taken next Wednesday - haha - really Tuesday but I'm traveling so I'm secretly hoping she waits til wednesday. :)

Exciting day!!!

So, let me tell you how it is to be a prospective Grandpa, an at the same time you assist in determining what your grandchild might look like.

Friday started with a review of how you select the various components or ingredients of your future grandchild.

You go through hundreds of names, nationalities, hair color, height, weight, eyes etc. You might think this is interesting, but after hours it becomes very stressful. I remember creating my children and it was pure joy. The only stress was waiting for the correct time to do it. Back then you timed your pregnancies
to fit your life schedule or how many children you wanted to how far part their ages should be assuming you wanted more than one.

Well, after hours of review, pictures, donor profiles, staff analysis of donor, medical records all the way back to maternal & paternal grandparents, and finally a ability to listen to the donors voice a decision was made. But, more stress, the prospective donor did not have his sperm cleansed, therefore the insemination is done differently and the sperm has to travel further. After a few hours we finally decided which donor was the lucky one. Hallelujah.

Tomorrow is the big day. All excited, such fun.
 

...Of course I also believed I'd be happily married and onto my 2nd child by now as well.  Things don't always turn out as we plan, so here comes the next step.

Not sure I'm going to announce this blog to the world just yet, but if you found me, welcome.  Posting may happen every day or once a month, depending on what's happening in my world of baby-making.

Post may come from my sister or my parents as they are on this journey with me and may have a thing or two to say.