I think I need a pep talk. I think I need to give myself a pep talk. I was so hoping that my Dr. would find scar tissue, but when he did, I wasn't expecting to be so so angry about it. Don't get me wrong, at this point I needed him to find the scar tissue, because now at least I have some hope again for my remaining 8 embies, but... Why didn't we look sooner, why didn't anyone take me seriously when I said my period was so so so light. WHY, WHY, WHY!!!!!
I know, I know, things are happening the way they are meant to. Really!!???? I was meant to go through this for almost two years (and counting). I was meant to have two miscarriages? I was meant to feel such utter disappointment that it hurts sometimes to breath!
Not turning into much of a pep talk is it. Okay, lets try again.
I HAVE 9 WONDERFUL AMAZING BEAUTIFUL HEALTHY EMBRYOS!!!
I HAVE A PERFECTLY HEALTHY AND CLEAR AND JUST WAITING FOR THAT BABY, UTERUS!!!
I HAVE AN AMAZING FAMILY THAT SUPPORTS ME THROUGH ALL MY CRAZY!!!!
(hormones and all)
I AM FERTILE AND WILL BE A MOM COME HELL OR HIGH WATER!!!!!
oh, and I start my foster to adopt classes in 3 DAYS!!!!!
Ok, that helped a little. I'm sure I'll need to give myself another peep talk soon.
till then....
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Not a good couple of days
Tuesday
I know I try to be all brave and prepared for the possibility of being done with my attempts to get pregnant, but I was not prepared for today's phone call. Out of the 9 that fertilized, none are growing at the proper pace. They are going to wait one more day to see if any of them move past morula phase. But I at least got the embryologist to tell me that only 4 seem likely to possibly get there. I just really believed that with 9 I'd have at least 5, and now I'm hoping for all 4, but I know there's a chance I might not even get 4. And this is after being told I make beautiful embryos. I just don't get it.
I'm trying to keep my hopes up for tomorrow. I know I have 7 frosties from the last cycle but we did things this time to help the eggs, since the 1st 5 we transferred didn't catch at all, and I had really high hopes that my kid was in this batch. I just hope I get good news tomorrow and that more than the 4 or at least all 4 start moving!!!
Wednesday
So the news sucks. I emailed my RE last night and asked him to check the fertility report today so that we could talk if the worst happened. When I didn't hear anything by 2 I knew it was bad. I called the embryologist because I needed to know. She told me nothing grew. To put it mildly I'm devasted. I know I have 7 left from the last cycle but I was really counting on these new ones, with the Growth Hormone and co-culture I had such high hopes. So about an hour later my RE called. Turns out 1 made it. But its graded CC. My RE agreed with me to freeze it and add it to the others. It will be one of the last ones we try since I have much better graded ones already. This was my last retrieval though.
Next week (I hope) I'll be going in for a hysteroscopy to see what's happening in my uterus, to see if there's scar tissue or something else stopping implanting since last summer. I'm truly hoping we find something, so that my hopes can rise again with the remaining 8 frosties waiting for me.
I'm also going to check with the fos-adopt center I plan on using if necessary to see when the next session of classes start, as I had planned on waiting until January to start that, as I thought I would have at least 5 FET cycles ahead of me, but now really only have 2 or 3.
This really is the first time my body and ovaries failed me in this whole process. I've always had remarkable response to everything so I was completely unprepared for this.
I know I try to be all brave and prepared for the possibility of being done with my attempts to get pregnant, but I was not prepared for today's phone call. Out of the 9 that fertilized, none are growing at the proper pace. They are going to wait one more day to see if any of them move past morula phase. But I at least got the embryologist to tell me that only 4 seem likely to possibly get there. I just really believed that with 9 I'd have at least 5, and now I'm hoping for all 4, but I know there's a chance I might not even get 4. And this is after being told I make beautiful embryos. I just don't get it.
I'm trying to keep my hopes up for tomorrow. I know I have 7 frosties from the last cycle but we did things this time to help the eggs, since the 1st 5 we transferred didn't catch at all, and I had really high hopes that my kid was in this batch. I just hope I get good news tomorrow and that more than the 4 or at least all 4 start moving!!!
Wednesday
So the news sucks. I emailed my RE last night and asked him to check the fertility report today so that we could talk if the worst happened. When I didn't hear anything by 2 I knew it was bad. I called the embryologist because I needed to know. She told me nothing grew. To put it mildly I'm devasted. I know I have 7 left from the last cycle but I was really counting on these new ones, with the Growth Hormone and co-culture I had such high hopes. So about an hour later my RE called. Turns out 1 made it. But its graded CC. My RE agreed with me to freeze it and add it to the others. It will be one of the last ones we try since I have much better graded ones already. This was my last retrieval though.
Next week (I hope) I'll be going in for a hysteroscopy to see what's happening in my uterus, to see if there's scar tissue or something else stopping implanting since last summer. I'm truly hoping we find something, so that my hopes can rise again with the remaining 8 frosties waiting for me.
I'm also going to check with the fos-adopt center I plan on using if necessary to see when the next session of classes start, as I had planned on waiting until January to start that, as I thought I would have at least 5 FET cycles ahead of me, but now really only have 2 or 3.
This really is the first time my body and ovaries failed me in this whole process. I've always had remarkable response to everything so I was completely unprepared for this.
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